Take this: my advice

If I don’t write something here soon I fear I’ll never write anything here again.

But the thing I want to write about nobody wants to read. I don’t want anyone to read it. I especially don’t want my family to read it in case I write it wrong.

But I want to write it so maybe I’ll go do it somewhere else.

Even if nobody ever reads it.

I lost my sister at the beginning of this month. And that sounds so selfish to even say…. “I lost…”. My nieces lost their Mum, my parents lost their youngest daughter. And lost is far too gentle a word anyway, such a stupid word, like if we only tried a bit harder we’d find her. But we’re all struggling to use the “d” word or the “k” word, so lost will have to do.

I have so many things I want to write somewhere, partly for myself, partly for when my nieces are grown and wonder if their memories are right. But for now all I can say is I lost my sister.

And it’s shit.

The advice bit: if you haven’t already done so, make a will.

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10 Responses to Take this: my advice

  1. Barbara says:

    Oh, that is shit. I’m so sorry.

  2. kat @ slugs says:

    i am so sorry, Nikkii and family. Thinking of you all.

  3. Oh God how awful. My friend lost her sister a couple of months ago and it’s been completely devastating… not least because she’s been supporting her mum, nieces & nephews and has struggled to cope with her own grief… I completely feel for you x

  4. Harriet says:

    I am so, so sorry and my thoughts and love are with you all.

    Practically speaking (and apologies if this is insenstive, but the offer is genuine), Wills and probate are my area of practice – English ones technically but lots of it is the same. Do, please, shout if you think I can help in any way. Confidentially and for free, obviously. x

  5. steffi says:

    I’m so so sorry. Big hugs and my thoughts are with you and your family. Wishing you and your family strength for these difficult times.

  6. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my brother three years ago and it still hurts like hell, although there is laughter in the days now.

    It is not selfish to consider your loss – of course others lost her too, but your grief matters as well. For what it’s worth I think bereaved adult siblings can get somewhat overlooked in the face of widows/widowers, parents and children.

    Take care of yourself.

  7. Mrs Teepot says:

    oh I am so, so sorry. My thoughts are with you all.

  8. auntiegwen says:

    I am so incredibly sorry, sending love to you all xx

  9. Oh, Nikkii, I’m so sorry for your loss. x

  10. Croila says:

    Oh no … I’ve just read this … I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. All I can hope for is that the hurt lessens in time. Oh you poor thing. Your poor nieces; your poor mother. Having someone ripped from your family is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. Take care …